I was recently at an event for mums and one of them asked me about homeschooling, having so many young children all at once, and how I handle it all. She went on to say, “I love that for you… And I wish I could be the same… but I guess I’m just not like that.”

When I asked for clarification the other mums chimed in, explaining that having their kids around all of the time would be too stressful and not everybody can manage that. The younger mums then shared how they hoped to be just like me, at which point my brain melted and I had nothing helpful to offer anybody.

That night I could not sleep. I felt so disturbed and I couldn’t figure out why. Everything that was said was flattering and should have been an encouragement to me. After tossing and turning most of the night I came to the conclusion that I had missed an opportunity to share the hope that is in me (1 Peter 3.15). Although all of these women are Christian sisters, they were asking about the hope that I carry through my motherhood and they needed to hear about the power of God’s grace that is transfoming me. 

You see, this wasn’t the first time I have had this conversation, it was just the first time it had happened in front of a crowd. 

I usually shrug off the compliments and assure people that I do lose my temper with my kids, my house is often not tidy, and homeschooling is not as difficult as they imagine. I neglect to share the truth that we serve a God that transforms us and it is this transformation that they are witnessing in my life. 

They believe that they are disqualified from joy and fulfilment in motherhood because they do not have the right temperament.

Ladies, you need to know that I also do not have the right temperament.

I do not have the right temperament to be needed all day. I do not have the right temperament to be grabbed and hugged and tugged at constantly. I do not have the right temperament to handle whining and tantrums and unreasonable demands with gentleness and grace. I do not have the right temperament to stay up most of the night and get up the next morning to do it all again. I do not have the right temperament to love and serve my husband when I am exhausted, overstimulated and touched-out. 

These are not things that come naturally to ANY of us. 

Only a few short years ago I would quote (with a cynical smile) “children are a blessing from the Lord” at my husband whenever our children acted up, because it felt like such a joke that anything so difficult could be a blessing from the Lord. 

When my third baby, Judah, was born, my daughter was approaching her school years and we began to discuss homeschooling seriously. I started reading blogs and listening to podcasts by homeschooling parents to wrap my head around what it might look like in practise, my number one question being: Will I ever get a break?!

I was bewildered to find that everywhere I looked, homeschooling parents would share that the BEST part about homeschooling is the GIFT OF EXTRA TIME WITH THEIR CHILDREN. The Lord brought me face-to-face with the reality that children are indeed a gift, and I have been a fool to believe otherwise. 

“Lord, please turn my heart towards my children” became my simple daily prayer as I sought to be the mother He intended me to be and began to allow him to refine me through the hard, instead of begrudging difficulty altogether. 

I would say aloud to my children, even when I wasn’t yet sure I believed it: “I love spending time with you,” and “bedtimes are a precious part of my day” and slowly but surely, the declarations became true and I found myself, and consequently my whole household, flourishing in the joy that God had set before us, always there and available but not recognised for what it was. 

Since then I have continued to pursue God; surrendering to Him in all things. I ask Him to reveal the beauty and joy in the mundane, common things. I ask for wisdom, which He promises to always give when we ask. I ask for help to walk in the fruits of the Spirit who is in me (Galatians 5.22). None of it is perfect, but the transformation is miraculous and available to every believing mama. 

This is about freedom in Christ to flourish in motherhood. Nothing can disqualify you from the power of God’s grace or the freedom that Christ came to offer us. 

So whether you homeschool, work outside of the home, are single or whatever life may look like right now, I want to encourage you: You don’t need to have a particular temperament to flourish in motherhood. Begin with a simple, repeated, desperate prayer.

“Lord, please turn my heart towards my children.”